What is worth learning? This is a question we often ask ourselves as educators. It has been my opinion for some time now that the three most important things are not taught in schools. These three things are budgeting, parenting, and marriage. I have been reflecting on what is worth learning during this current lockdown period. Many families are at home under quarantine and unfortunately, this can lead to conflict. In this post, I would like to share a tool to develop a strong marriage.
Communication
It is no secret that one of the keys to a strong marriage is communication. Carder (2008) writes, "A relationship needs lots of attention, or your perception of it will become outdated and you will have no clue about what is really happening between the two of you." In order to have a current correct perception of how your relationship is doing you may do the following activity.
Marriage Satisfaction Survey
The tool below is used to communicate with your spouse about your marriage. The sample in this image covers five years. You will need to create a sheet like this for every five years you have been living together. The steps are as follows:
- Together fill out the boxes at the bottom of the tool. There is a box for each six months.
- The boxes should include information such as; births, deaths, job status, moves, illnesses, marital difficulties, education, living arrangements and other major life events.
- Once you are finished make a copy of the tool.
- On your individual sheet plot a line on the rating scale going through the years of your marriage. Be honest, do not let your current feeling influence your decision. It should be how you felt at the time.
- To plot the line put a dot on the scale above each six month period. When you are finished, join the dots.
Results
After you are finished, come together to discuss both of your charts. Some things to consider when you do this are:
- Look for periods of high-level satisfaction reported by both of you (4-5).
- Talk about any surprises. Ask questions to understand why your spouse was feeling that at the time.
- Look at the overall pattern. Did you experience events with a similar pattern? Why or why not?
- Is there a decline in the pattern? Why is this?
- Was there a low point? How did you overcome this?
Conclusion
Marriage is one of the most important undertakings you will ever take. It is the best opportunity to grow as an individual as you learn to put another before yourself. Having a strong marriage is the greatest gift you can give to your children. As there is no formal education on this in school or university, we need to identify tools and keep learning ourselves. I hope this will help you grow a strong marriage.
(If you would like the excel template put your email in the comments and I will send it to you.)
References
Carder D., (2008), Anatomy of an Affair, Moody Publishers.
